Each child is uniquely gifted by God. One of our roles as parents is to help the child discover those gifts and seek to draw them out to a place where the child is empowered to use those gifts to bless others and add light to the world. How can this be done? Here are some points.

Notice when your child “lights up.”

What activities do they do that they can’t wait to talk you about later? What makes their eyes light up?

One of my sons was looking back on a picture of himself walking in as a player to his very first football game. “Look at my face, Mom. That is pure joy right there.” Yes, it was pure joy, and starting into his fifth year of football, it is still pure joy.

Another son once told me one evening, “Tomorrow morning we are going to be down in the field filming a scene for my shortfilm.” You are?! Well, ok! This happened in a chain of events that did indeed lead up to him producing his first shortfilm.

Listen to what others say.

Other people can be extremely perceptive about your child. Where is your child naturally gifted, where does he shine? Sometimes others will easily pick up on it and they will likely comment on it. I heard someone say about a young man during a drama presentation, “He’s such a gifted communicator,” and I agreed—he delivered his lines with unusual charisma and finesse.

Allow/enable them to try new things.

One of our daughters wanted to make cakes. She wanted to spend her own money to get this cake-making kit {affiliate link}. After she brought it up several times, we ordered the kit. So far she has produced three cakes, each with two layers, with a homemade buttercream frosting. I worked with her step by step on the first cake. Since then, she has needed very little help from me.

The night before making one of her cakes, she said, “I’m going to get up early tomorrow because I’m going to be so excited about making my cake!”

Many years ago I heard of a Christian group starting a flag football league. I asked my then eleven-year-old if he would like to play in it. His one-word answer, no hesitation: “Yes.”

Fast-forward to now, and he’s getting ready to help coach junior high football. The true loves and passions stick with them over the years.

Affirm the child’s efforts.

Affirm, affirm, affirm all the way along. “You can do it! … You should try it! … What did you think? … What did you like or not like about doing that particular thing? I’m proud of you for what you did!”

And when you see him shine in a certain area, tell him sincerely, “I think you really have a talent for _____.” He will remember.

Let the child lead the way, not the other way around.

It’s too exhausting as the parent to be the motivator. You will often need to be the facilitator, but it’s best if the motivation comes from within the child.

(A side note on this point. Some children are very unsure and lack confidence. They may need to be pushed to try things, to begin to build self confidence. It takes discernment and prayer to know when they just need a little push, or when they are just not ready.)

Sometimes parents may be living their own dreams through their child. Consider if this is really what the child enjoys and wants to do. Oftentimes children can have quite different interests from that of their parents, which gives us parents good opportunities to be stretched out of our comfort zones!

Here’s a poem written by a niece of mine. Her mom said she’s been writing a lot of poetry lately. I am amazed that a child would do this of her own initiative; what a gift with words! What an indication of what brings her joy and where some of her gifts lie. I know that she has been provided with plenty of quality literature to read, which has no doubt already shaped her ability to put words together so beautifully.

Things Slow Down
by Emma Contreras, age 11

I am sure that the white petals are whiter
Ever since the rain came
I am sure that the bright sun is brighter
Because cleansing rain washes over all
Water against water; it rains on the river
Sun sets, moon rises
Flowers grow, then they die
Green leaves fade, then they fall
Seasons, years fly by
Like the wind they pass
You don’t see them till they’re gone
Far, far ahead of you
Time doesn’t stop
You can’t catch up
But things slow down
When it rains again.

Wait until the right age for outside activities.

For us, the right age has been about 10 and up for the child to begin to pursue any outside interests, play a sport, or take lessons in a particular skill. Younger ages, for us, has usually not been feasible and has also just seemed unnecessary.

The child spends his early years learning all about the world around him. He is perfectly happy to do that within the home, in his own backyard, or on the playground after church. Then around age 10-12 his focus turns more inward, as he begins to learn about himself as an individual.

Sacrifice of yourself to give them opportunities.

I see extremes today on both sides. There are some parents who are quite self-consumed. There are other parents and families who are completely child-centered. Somewhere in the middle there must be a balance, where the child knows the world doesn’t revolve around him (Mom and Dad and siblings have their own important things), and where he contributes in appropriate ways to the family, but also knows he is supported and undergirded by the home, that his people will show up for him and encourage him to take opportunities, spread his wings, and explore his gifts.

Resist the temptation to compare with what other families are doing. You need to facilitate what works within the parameters of your family’s schedule, your home, your unique circumstances. The overall stage of the family must also be considered.

Various hobbies can sometimes take over the house or the yard or the kitchen, but the sacrifice is well worth it. The children’s interests can take a chunk of your time, energy and attention, no doubt.

Connect them with people who have expertise in an area. Other adults and mentors can be thrilled to have an “apprentice” of sorts who wants to learn a skill from them.

Allow your child to let things go.

Maybe they tried something for a while, and then decided they didn’t like it after all. That’s ok, it’s all part of the process. Just because they took some years of piano lessons doesn’t mean they have to play the piano until they leave home. Those years of piano playing will probably benefit them in some other area of life, eventually. Even if you really want him to do some certain thing, if the child is persistently reluctant, most of the time it just isn’t worth it. Let him be who he is.

If the child tolerates the activity but doesn’t love it, it can be a hard call about whether to continue, but circumstances may dictate the best course of action.

Ultimately, trust God to guide them.

God is over all of it, and He will give each one what they need. I remember our oldest daughter walking down the hill to take horseback riding lessons. After she spent hours hanging on the fence befriending the horses, the owner offered her lessons. I was in a season of many littles, but yet God gave my daughter that amazing opportunity right in our own backyard. During this time she also had a mentor in our church who was an expert seamstress, and she made some lovely quilts under this dear lady’s tutelage.

Seek Him and pray and keep your eyes and ears open. He will lead and He will provide!